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I've really fallen off the wagon (metaphor.)
That being said I looked over what I loved and hate about art, I was giving it up, cursing myself, my skills, other artists (internally of course.) and generally just letting myself wallow and suffer. Its not a healthy way to live, and to be honest its far from it in my opinion, I want to be happy with my artworks again I really do.
Thinking over the bast three and a half days I day dreamed and reminised about what made me love art so much in the first place, not just that, but what kept me going, if I had lost sight of my spark or if it was just gone all together, and after seeing someone post a journal which stated.
"no one needs to contact me I'm only a colorist."
It got me thinking, and it reminded me of high school, out art department had so many walks of life, so many different types of artists, some where painters others printers, sculptors modelers, sewers and weavers, photographers, film makers animators and much much more.
I remember one class/subject, it was life drawing, out teacher, literally the strangest yet funniest man I have ever had the honor of knowing would always ALWAYS have us pick out one piece of work from the week, and we'd all sit down, he'd make us each these cups of hot chocolate.. MUD, so much mix that you could sink a ship. and what did we do? We'd go around in a circle, each artist showed their work, each one told a story about what they where thinking behind the piece, how they felt about it, then everyone else (teacher included) would say at least one thing good about it, before sharing ways to improve.
To improve there it is, that's what kept me through high school, I had almost forgotten about it, What kept me there year after year all the way up till grade 12+ was how much I improved, how much others improved, how tho not all of us had things in common we could still look at something and find good and bad in it, how we could share those things and build on them.
Thinking back on that made me smile, and frown, they where mixed feelings because when I left my hometown I stopped drawing, well, I started drawing less, and less, I forgot why I did it and each time I did something I started to lose interest more and more, I didn't have time to slow down and smell the flowers for quite some time, heck I barely do now, But knowing this now truly helps me, I know where to start, how to start, I need to become more social in the art community, I need to share what I think and feel about others work and hopeful in turn someone else will share in kind back to me.
I had forgotten. Art is a Process, Its trial and error. But most importantly to me, its feeling, its sharing that feeling and having it returned in a way.
Thank you everyone, you are all wonderful people and deserve the best, even if its hard for you to see.